What heroes can't control
by xfmoon
Summary: A missing scene, tag to 1x06 F.Z.Z.T.


**A/N:** For so long I have really wanted to write something for the finale, but my muse refuses to come up with anything so this is what you get... yet another tag to/missing scene from F.Z.Z.T. that goes a bit AU I guess or not? But I've wondered for a long time what Fitz was going through while Ward was jumping out after Jemma. He just looked like a little lost puppy standing there screaming: _"but she jumped..."_ heartbreak /3 but enough of me babbling.

So yeah a little bit of the team, but mostly Fitz introspection.

**Spoilers:** for 1x06 F.Z.Z.T.

**Disclaimer:** I really wanna go skydiving, but I'm just here playing around, owning nothing, not even a parachute.

* * *

Dread is what keeps him upright.

Not knowing what is happening is what keeps him from collapsing into a heap on the floor.

Being unable to see events unfolding is what keeps his eyes dry.

Not long after Ward has disappeared out into the clouds the others come running and the air is filled with frantic questions, that he seems unable to answer.

His mouth is too dry to open.

His tongue too heavy to form the words.

His lungs too empty to press any air past his vocal cords.

The others notice because their questions quickly fade away, instead becoming orders barked at others over phones.

But all he can do is stand there. Looking out at the clouds, that in opposition to his inner turmoil are peacefully floating by on the backdrop of a beautiful cerulean blue sky.

He hears Coulson having a bit of a shouting match with some Moroccan consulate or other trying to get permission to temporarily land in international waters.

He shares a brief look with May, her stoic expression remaining unchanged as she goes back into the cockpit and starts to turn the plane around. Dropping ever so slightly in height while at the same time slowly decreasing the velocity, preparing for a vertically landing on the water, regardless of the permissions giving, but still dutifully awaiting Coulson's ok. There is nothing the Bus can't do, especially with the Cavalry at the wheels.

Skye puts her hand on his shoulder, saying something reassuring no doubt, he can't really hear her, all sounds seems to be muffled, like he has been put into an invisible dome or a silencer has been implanted into both of his ears. He can see her lips moving, he just can't connect the sounds to words. But he guesses it goes something along the lines of _'Everything is gonna be ok', 'She's gonna be fine.'_ At least that is what he keeps thinking. He has to stay positive, can't entertain a negative thought, the repercussions of such would be too unbearable to think about.

**xXx**

To land they have to close the cargo hold ramp, unless they want to flood the Bus and sink the whole plane in the process. He is still staring straight out into the blue hole, at the phantom imprint she has left behind. He hasn't moved from the spot in fact, not even to peer down at the now visible water.

What if he sees them?

What if he doesn't?

As the ramp goes up something inside of him breaks down. The black aluminum are roaring as the nuts and bolts make the platform rise up until the last part of blue is shut out, severing the invisible tread that connects Fitz in here with Simmons out there.

This is it, the moment of truth.

Someone gets him to sit down as they land, it isn't even that bumpy but it is just as well since his legs are starting to feel like jelly. As soon as they're down, everything occurs really fast but at the same time in slow motion. A door on the left side is opened, he can hear the water rhythmically lapping against the side of the plane. He stands up but doesn't move away, instead he watches intensely as May and Coulson is fishing something out, disrupting the water's natural harmonies with their excessive splashing about.

The first to be hauled out of the water and up on deck like a fish is Jemma and not long after her follows Ward. Skye is on the spot with blankets for them both. Fitz wants to go to Jemma too. But she isn't moving and whereas his legs feels like jelly his feet feels like stones. Her not moving only lasts for about a second but to him it is an eternity. Until she sits up and is coughing up saltwater, her hair all wet and sticky, and her body trembling.

Relief makes him collapse. And he falls back into the seat he has just occupied.

Observing. Everyone is seated on the floor. Skye is rubbing Jemma's arms and back with the blanket to keep her warm. A few words are exchanged. They all look happy, untroubled.

The water is still lapping calmly against the hull, blissfully unaware of the transpired events. It is the most peaceful moment he has experienced in days.

Coulson is the one to break the spell, he gets up, dusts off, and tries to straighten out a few wrinkles in his suit resignedly. _"You two,"_ He points to Jemma and Ward _"get some dry clothes on and come see me in my office immediately."_ He orders, then leaves. And the others disperse quickly thereafter. Fitz manages to make his way to his bunk somehow. Exhausted he flops down on the bed, feet dangling off the side. _'This day could have gone so differently.'_ He ruminates, pops up on his elbows and looks over at the wall at the few pinned up pictures of him and Simmons together, smiling happily at the camera unaware of the dangers that would follow them in taking this job. He lies back down and stares at the white tin ceiling. It sounds like Coulson is yelling. A few moments later and he hear chatter in the halls, Ward and Jemma, he thinks and then Skye joins them. He closes his eyes. A day ago he wouldn't have thought that hearing Simmons' voice could make him feel so happy. Maybe he should go out there too?

He wants to.

He just can't.

So he stays. Listens.

Feeling content just knowing she is out there. He hears the others parting, feet going their separate ways. One pair patters lightly up to his bunk and stops, waits for a second. Then there is a knock. He opens his eyes, sits straight up, his gaze landing on the pictures once more before moving to the closed door. _"Come in."_ He says.

The door opens and Jemma enters._ "Hi."_ She says and smiles, he smiles back. She moves towards the bed - the only place to sit in the small room - and he scooches over, grasping his pillow in the process to give her more room.

They sit in silence for a bit. Both reveling in the feeling of being near each other again. Then he starts to ramble. And it is like all the things he hadn't been able to say wants to come out simultaneously.

_"I was going to do it..."_

_"I know you were." _She reassures.

But words are still stumbling out so he can do nothing but ignore her acknowledgement and continue. _"...I had the chute and everything, I just couldn't get the straps on..." _

_"Fitz, please."_ She tries again but little does it help.

_"...And maybe I couldn't have done the whole James Bond midair..."_

_"Fitz, just shut up."_ She reaches out for him this time, but controls herself and doesn't touch him.

_"...type, thing..."_ He finishes leaving his sentence hanging uncompleted, takes a breath and stops altogether. Which probably is better anyway, or he might have babbled on about some of the things he has only just come to realize himself. And on top of everything else today he hasn't even had time to process it himself yet, so to dump that on her too wouldn't be fair, and she'd already been through a lot today herself. He looks down reminiscing.

So she speaks._ "Ward did an amazing thing, yes. But it wasn't Ward by my side in that lab searching for a cure. It wasn't Ward giving me hope when I had none. It was you."_ She gives him a little notch with her elbow. Making him look up and over at her again. _"You're the hero." _She smiles genuinely.

_"Yeah."_ He says a hint of a question in there.

_"Yeah."_ She agrees honestly and adds a grateful. _"Thank you." _

He nods in response and looks down again pensively. But when he feels her lightly kissing him on the cheek he can't help the smile that spreads across his face, making an unfamiliar tingle grow in his stomach like wildflowers.

She touches his knee, and it's a touch that keeps him grounded. Then she leaves, and he wonders how she can make him float and keep him tethered down at the same time.

He sits for a few moments thinking. About what had happened, about what could have happened, and being thankful that it didn't. Then his mind starts to drift, to Jemma's parents and their possible reactions, his own mum and her being worried, his old playful dog Sophia, why he was always on the receiving end - being knocked down whenever someone threw a ball, oh and he really needed to fix that faulty circuit board in the back room... all the big worries and questions were buzzing around. He shook his head, maybe he just needed to sleep to clear his mind.

He is still a bit wired though, the adrenaline having not yet left his body entirely. For a second he considers taking a parachute lesson or two in the near future, but rejects it quickly, what are the odds of something like this happening again? Besides they might not have passed their field assessments, but so far they'd done pretty well. They are still in control of their own fates.

The only thing Fitz isn't in control of at the moment is his own feelings, they are all over the place, running haywire. And sitting here contemplating them isn't doing him any favors either. Of the many paths he has taken in life he finds that he divides everything into only one major before and after - and it isn't when his dad left, or his dog died, or he left Scotland to study at the S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy, or even when he joined Coulson's team - it is when he first met Jemma. He comes to the realization that he measures every occurred event in before and after that day. Everything that had happened before he has most likely told her about and for everything else after she has been right there by his side and experienced them alongside with him.

They know more about the other than anyone else, are each other's best friends. And for the first time ever Fitz is thinking about what else they might be.

* * *

**A/N:** All the hiatuses are already making me go a wee bit crazy.

I realize they probably wouldn't land on the water, and fishing them out would likely be harder, but I'm claiming creative freedom here ;) take it or leave it and do with it what you want.

This wasn't supposed to be this long, 500 words tops, I guess my muse is in cahoots with my plot bunny and they had other plans for this. Oh well.

And I usually write in past tense, but this started out in present, so I just ran with it.

I'm sorry if it was awful, but I just can't seem to write anything other than borderline introspection for this fandom.


End file.
